Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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