Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
