I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
