I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
