i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
