just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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