You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
