sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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