going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
