my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
