I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
