Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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