I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
