I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
