Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
