Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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