Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
