Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
