Will you blow on my dice?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
