You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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