dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
