You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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