Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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