one two three fourrrrnication!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
