So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
