At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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