it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
