I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
