I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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