now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
