You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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