I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Mom said you looked used
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
