i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
