oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
is wine microwaveable?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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