I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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