Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
