She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
