D3 body, D1 cock
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
