I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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