I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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