Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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