i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
then he tried to convert me to islam
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
