I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
