I want you more than these girls want KFC
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
