Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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