this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
