I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
