There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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