Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
