Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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