Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
